He had breath like fire.
Hot and smoldering, yet that didn’t stop him from confidently yelling his accolades in my ear over the bass of the music bumping at Lock & Key. He was the prize, so he thought. The answer to prayers that good women with bad discernment fall victim to. Tall, check. Paid, check. Handsome, well…if you asked him, check. He was the reminder of what to look for and what to dismiss. A cocky little something that rambled on without asking about me in return. Self-centered. Self-absorbed. And after grabbing himself a second glass of caramel-colored brew, clearly selfish with his pay. A triple threat. On to the next.
He was the quintessential gentleman.
On paper, he met all the criteria— but the conversation over drinks at Soho House in West Hollywood soon revealed that it was a cover-up for a hardened heart. Divorce had wearied him. A good job and polished manners didn’t obscure his true point of view. A jaded soul, he now viewed women with contempt. And any attempt to change his mind would be something he’d grow to resent. He was a walking red flag that many women would spend countless years thinking that they could fix. Only to discover that an unhealed man makes the worst kind of relationship.
He had lips like honey.
Dripping with promises that I knew wouldn’t stick. He led with sweet nothings and wannabe somethings that he used to pull a desperate woman in. And I’ll be honest—I’ve seen it work time and time again. But when you’re clear on who you are, words that don’t match actions are just the catalyst for a failed mutual attraction.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“You’re so wonderful.”
“I’ma put a ring on your finger...”
They’re the kind of phrases that trigger the warning: the love-bombing is about to begin. And no amount of external validation from a man with slick words and potentially good dick is worth it in the end.
He was “good enough.”
The kind of guy that you settle for because you think your time is up. It can’t get any better. You could do worse, so you pick the better of the two options, despite your instincts telling you that this isn’t going to work. “He’s a good man, Savannah,” but he’s bad at communication. Boring in conversation. Lacking ambition, though he’s patient. The attraction is meh—but that’s okay, you tell yourself. Maybe, over time, you’ll grow into infatuation. Besides, he’d make a good husband and father to your babies. I’ve seen so many unhappy marriages built on this foundation.
So when people ask me why I’m single, or how dating is going, I’ll just point back to this post and respond with, “Now what were you saying?”
Have you encountered any of these archetypes in your own dating life? The cocky ones, the jaded ones, the ones who almost made you settle? Drop a comment and share your experience—or tell me which part resonated most. 🥀
Loved 😍😍 I always enjoy when you collide with a muse that inspires you to pull out the pen
Friend. You can WRITE write 🤎